Realization

The other day I looked in the mirror, I was not satisfied. I have always been very concerned with my appearance, from the way my morning shave looks on my face to the way my hair looks like I don’t care (but its obvious that I do). I scan myself again and again to make sure that the me I want to present is perfect, that the shirt I’m wearing shows my best features, that the pants I wear make me look nice, but not too nice. Then when I need to choose my shirt, wow that’s a headache, it has to make my shoulders look just right, and my arms seen in a way that catches the eye, but if the shirt clashes with my hairstyle, eyes, or amount of hair on my face I have to start all over. The examination progress I go through every day to make sure my physical appearance is the way I want can be laughed at and mocked, but I pull it off everyday, I’m able to meet the people I want to, get the looks I want to get, and most importantly, the opportunities I want. All this is because of the intense criticism I have on my appearance.

            Throughout my life I have been able to cover the parts of me that I don’t want others see. These parts I have concealed with careful scrutiny to make sure others never see the neglected disorder. In fact I hid the mess away so well that I didn’t even notice the growing cobwebs and moldy corners. But the time has come to clean what has long since been forgotten. I have only recently come to know of the great hindrance this mess is to my progression in this life. Now that the time has come to make my dreams come true, the mess I have neglected is now the biggest barrier to making those goals a realization.

            After all the time that has gone by, I am just now seeing what has to change in order to be the person I have always tried so hard to appear to be.  Ever since I realized what I am actually capable of accomplishing by applying the same criticism on those areas people don’t as I do on the areas people do see, I have had a newfound desire to see what opportunities are lurking around the corner. In the short amount of time I have had to start in my new endeavor, I have seen a new life opening up to me that I never thought possible, I am seeing more light than ever before, I am now realizing possibility at blissful happiness. I never thought I would get to this point, the point where I would know what to do and have the ability to carry it out. This experience has turned into one of the most hopeful periods of my life, but now I will always wonder, why did it take so long? What could have happened if the realization would have come sooner? But I guess the better question is… what can happen now that I have realized how to hit my potential?