Life is Like a Box of Chocolates….

They say life is like a box of chocolates. You know, the variety kind that has all sorts of fillings and flavors. It’s always a guessing game to find the one that you really want to eat, but you don’t really know what you are about to eat. I guess that is why they say life is that way, just when we think we have it all figured out, something happens that changes all our plans.

I always knew the path I was on was leading me to a dead end. I always said I would get off that path and on to one that would take me to great places and lead to me the life I dreamt of every night before I fell asleep. But then I took too long to switch paths and I got my reward before I was ready. Should I have known what flavor of chocolate I would get?

It has only been a day or two since I came out of this daze from a hit I wasn’t ready to face. For weeks I have been in wide-eyed gaping mouth shock (I think I still am). It’s hard when your best friend politely asks you not to talk to them. I would spend hours talking to my best friend, I would spend hours listening to my best friend, we had this bond that was so different than any I had had before. We had a way of taking the pain out of the worst day, haha, we even had a way of taking the smiles out of the best days. But that is what made my best friend so special, my best friend was realistic, focused, and goal oriented. I always wanted to be more like my best friend.

Do I then say that by chance I pulled the outdated, almond (I hate almonds) filled piece of chocolate? Or do I say that it wasn’t chance at all? Did I choose to feel this way or was it inevitable?

I guess the real question is what now? Usually after getting a bad chocolate I hesitate to try my luck again. Do I do that with life?

The other day a long time friend commended me on how fast I was able to “bounce back” from the loss. If only he knew the moment he walked away my fake smile would come off and complete despair would be plastered to my face, he would take that compliment back. If he saw me now, hopelessly thinking of "what ifs" and "if onlys", then maybe he would know why I would never leave my best friend despite the hard times we went through.

The other day a mentor of mine gave me advice to deal with the mind numbing taste of the bitter chocolate. I took it to heart. I stay busy and keep my day full of purpose, I study the scriptures and increase my faith, I exercise and stay rested, and I even set some silly goals to accomplish to keep my mind off it. Last night for the first time in almost ten years I played the piano, it turns out I can still play some songs out of the hymn book, it doesn’t sound good and it needs a lot of practice, but it took my mind of the almonds and I think the corners of my mouth even raised a little. But when my day of purpose came to end and all the boxes of my to do list were checked, I still couldn't help but wish my best friend was still there. To hold. To talk to. To listen to. To laugh with. My best friend.

I know life always gives us something we are not ready for, but sometimes I can’t help but think that maybe I could have chosen the Ghirardelli milk chocolate with caramel filling instead.